


Icarus and Resignation

by diabolikfandom



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fanfiction, Horror, Multi, Psychological, Romance, Suspense, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-01-31 21:31:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12690594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diabolikfandom/pseuds/diabolikfandom
Summary: When Cora Johnson succeeds in going down to Earth, she does not expect the fire to burn and the will to live to ignite. Her advantage comes from her reading of all books of the Ark, yet on the ground, theory does not last long against the necessity of actual practice. The young Icarus who had previously forsaken the value of life, finds herself obliged to persevere in the wilderness. This is Icarus and Resignation.





	1. To Go Home

The glass of the window was cold. It tingled from my fingertips as if to my whole brain. But then again, not much seemed warm these past few days...what am I saying? These past few weeks. The heat of a shower, the heat of food, none of it could resist the voracious cold that seeped into my veins, into my heart and into my thoughts. 

The Ark had become a prison to my eyes, and though it should have been labeled as “home”, I definitely could no longer make any sense of it all. Waking up, meeting other remaining human beings who had fled the Earth, sharing dreams and values, none of it constituted a warmth anymore. There was no “family”, there was only me, attempting at finding a reason to endure the everyday of a lifetime. And for so long, nothing had come to mind. Perhaps the potential idea of floating myself, letting my face and entire body be sucked dry into the vacuum of space, though I have to admit I was not a fan of that image. 

Still, observing the round sphere of chaos, admiration and revelation that was the Earth made me somehow ponder for some other days. 

_ One more thing to wish before I die on my own terms. Get back to Earth.  _

That was the one stupid thought that crossed through the depth of my entity for a mere second, a thought that I never believed could come true. That one specific night, I went to sleep, but was rapidly woken up by an alarmed voice. 

_ Clarke.  _

I heard her panicked breath, the mutter of confusion and outcry of fear. My own perspiration increasingly changed in such a haste, that I almost neglected her mother Abby’s voice as well in the next room. My head to the wall, I closed my eyes, trying my best to filter the noise and focus on words. 

_ “You’re being sent to Earth!”  _

There. Right there. The words kept ringing into my ears as if it had been some sort of miscalculation, words I was too greedy to hear that actually did resound within me. The words I wanted. Adolescents, minors under 18 judged for crimes, sent to the inhabitable ground to expel their faults. There it was. My way out. It was like hitting two birds with one stone, to both satisfy my curiosity and quench the thirst for death at the same time. Because after all, if they were to be sent to earth as a test for mankind’s survival, then it suggested that lives were surely to be lost in process. 

If this was really true, and that my senses did not fool my being, I was to hurry. I threw myself over to the clothes on the metallic chair against the white wall of my room, changing as rapidly as was possible before putting on my shoes and leaving out the door. People, guards from afar but still, only the sight of Abby turning back my way made my heart race in anticipation. Yet, her eyes sunk in fright with the view of me before she quickly ran to my side, frown deepening the general anxiety that radiated from her. 

“Cora! Get back to your room, you’re not supposed to be here!” She exclaimed, directing me back to my room with her hand on my back. I refused. I stopped in the middle of this haste, hearing the multitude of voices growing from whispers to a tumult of noise from the whole Ark.

“Abby, I heard you, with Clarke, she's being sent to Earth, right? And not only her, several of them, I’m right aren't I?” The excitement that outlined my voice was almost absurd in comparison to the worry on her face. I did not care. I was too busy thinking about whether the spaceship would launch in a second or if I still had a way out. “Please Abby, put me in there! I have to get to Earth as well!” I said through a quickened breath. 

“You know I can’t do that. Those sent are being sent...as retribution.” 

Anger, no. Raw fury. Rage boiling the blood inside me shooting up to my brain from not accomplishing my wish. A wish within a death wish. I had the choice of dying by being floated, of old age in space, or dying my feet on the ground from something still unknown and foreign to us. My preference was obvious. 

“Abby, you’ve always been by my side, you were the one to practically raise me to the one I am today. You treated me like you treated Clarke, and you’re the only one I could call family. So please, I’m asking you this, please...Send me to the ground. It’s my one wish, please don’t take that away from me.” 

It was perhaps selfish, but knowing that hundreds of people were sent down to where we truly belonged, made somber jealousy creep down my back, so far as to make the thought of another day on this big piece of metal, truthfully impossible. Abby did nothing but remain silent. I saw something in her eyes, a small spark. An idea, a glimmer of faith, or perhaps I confused it with despair. Finally, she breathed in profoundly, only to exhale further.

“The one guarding the entrance of the ship, he’s an old friend... Cora, I can make you get in that ship. I will if you promise two things. Otherwise, you stay here.” 

My response was immediate.

“Anything, tell me!” 

“If you get sent down to Earth, do not do it as a way to end your life. Do not waste the gift of discovering the ground as a means to die. Do not waste that opportunity. The ones in the ship are our last hope. I know that you’re aware of the  _ issue.  _ The air will never last a few months. You know it. So please, consider this as a way to make others, our people survive. Don’t make your death lead to that of others.” She had nothing but a cold stare, a hard one. One that dismissed the compassion, the sympathy, as if to only stress the meaning of the message and its truthfulness. 

“How did you...How did you know?” My voice was shaky. Her pronunciation of the thoughts that darkened my brain, poisoned it ; I never expected the mere hearing of them from someone else to be so strong. 

She took out from her pocket the small but consequent proof. A small journal, the one against which I had projected the stream of my consciousness. I had no ability to resent her for reading my thoughts. I was, after all, sent to the ground. 

“Do you promise?” She insisted. Abby was the one who had replaced my parents, she knew everything. Every inch. 

“I...swear. I won’t.”  _ Whatever it takes, I need to get down there. I want to see it. I want to see the so called “trees”, the so called “rivers” and whispers of the wind. After all, maybe...just maybe we will survive another day.  _ “And the second thing?” I asked, not wishing to further question my initial decision. Abby changed the look of her face once more, another serious tone, but still as direct and sharp. She grabbed my shoulder. 

“...Look after Clarke. She needs to survive. You have read so many, if not every single book here. I know you have the capacity to do great down there. So many of us, farmers, doctors, technicians that can help. But you will be sent first with the others. If you are to go down to Earth, please, work together with my daughter.” 

The eyes, oh they never lie. Especially not when the glassy look of tears erase any possible concealment of the truth. 

“Abby, I’ll look after her. She’s tough either way, but I will. I promise you.” 

She smiled. A faint curve of her lips, but still very much present. She led me near the ship. I was given some kind of metal bracelet. Inside that ship, it was now certain. I would come back to my real home. Earth.


	2. Awaken the Chaos

The heavy doors closed shut. There was a multitude of beeping sounds encountering each other, technical programs controlling the ship at distance from the Ark that all functioned simultaneously, signaling the beginning of the journey. These noises, however, were not as loud as the growing chattering of young men and women, excited or scared as ever to face the inevitable. A familiar voice reached out to me, one I could not have been happier to detect. 

“Cora? Wh-...What are you doing here?” Clarke said, bumping through Wells on the way to me. “You’re not supposed to be here, they mistook you for someone else, we have to tell someone!”

I progressively canceled her worry by telling her it was okay. By explaining her mother’s generous act, and my protective role over her. She was frowning. 

“You want to see the Earth. Why? We don’t even know if we’ll survive the landing…” She insisted, not nearly convinced of my ambition. 

“Isn’t it legitimate of me? Wanting to go home? You know my feelings about the Ark, I need to see it, our planet. And not from the view of space”, I replied, hoping for dear life, that these feeble words would be satisfactory. Clarke spent some time in thought, but either way she must have realized it was not possible to get me out of the ship, as Jaha’s voice was projected through the speakers of the ship. We were all to sit down, though the general impression was of overwhelming excitement and vivacity. 

I made my way through the agitated crowd, not taking notice at first of the strong grip on my wrist from behind. Turning around in a swift motion, I saw the face of Murphy, whom I could not consider as the kindest human of the Ark. The look on his face screamed of doubt, yet the eye contact exchanged was enough for him to let go, walking to his seat with an apprehensive grimace covering his features. 

I undermined that detail while I hurried to my seat next to Clarke and Wells, hoping they would not start another fight if I intervened in Clarke’s death stare. I was not oblivious of her position, but Wells was too quiet to wish for her misery. They were best friends, and after all, I had my suppositions. 

The ship launched, and I was consumed by a multitude of fused sentiments. The lights turned on and off ; perfect portrayal of my constant hesitation and questioning. While Wells insisted on making things clear and clean with his best friend Clarke, I fell into the trap of my own thoughts. 

_ I wanted this. I want to see it. The beauty of the Earth. Let me see it, the grass, the fruits, the sand. Let me survive to see my planet.  _

Through the tense dialogue of the two people sitting next to me, my stomach churned as we must have pierced through the atmosphere. The sound of loud metallic pieces snapping together, the wobbly and shaky ship, I imagined it from the exterior, burning and breaking piece by piece. Will we die, I thought and closed my eyes, submerged by a steady darkness while waiting for the terror of the voyage to end. Either by death, either by life. 

When I opened them, something was inevitably wrong. I wondered if I had passed out, confounded by the hammering in my brain. Then again, the sight of people sighing, complaining about pain and headache hit me like a poignant rock against my chest. 

_ We survived.  _

“Cora, are you okay?” I heard these words as a faint blur that cleared out. Clarke was holding my shoulder, dissimulated excitement on her face. She did not dismiss her duty. To make the 100 survive. 

“We...we landed!” I said, unsure of my voice’s own function. “I’m okay, are you?” 

She nodded but pointed forwards. Some did not survive the landing, and it made something uncomfortable twist inside. Reminiscence of floated humans. I shook my head, physically attempting at distancing myself from such events. The survivors checked upon friends and siblings, gradually creating an uproar of noise again. 

That’s when I heard him. A voice, manly and low. Ordering to get the doors opened. In that instant the first reminiscence was the one of a book I had read. Air, toxic air. Still contaminating the Earth. 

“What? We don’t even know if the air is still toxic, we should think about this first!” I said. Bellamy looked at me, such a stern glare that made one in the obligation to stare down. I fought through the gaze, relieved as the words came out of his mouth. 

“If the air is toxic, we’re all dead anyway, sorry to disappoint, Princess” He replied. I backed away into the crowd, thinking of what else it was that I had remembered. I had learnt so much up in the Ark, Abby knew it would be useful. I had to focus. In the meantime, it appeared that Octavia, the one who had hidden herself all her life, found Bellamy. They were siblings. The silence rose in the air, and all I could think of, was the charisma and intensity that the two Blake children transmitted. 

The doors opened and I held my breath for a moment, waiting for the poisoned air to react. None of it did. Death did not ensue and we were alive. My expectations never did go so far as to actually survive on the ground. It had been, a wild dream, but never did I draw this out realistically.

Octavia screamed. Bellamy pointed out her future image as the girl who made the first few steps on Earth. Her voice, so incredibly audacious, ringed into everyone’s ears, as if to encourage them, bring them together. Those who had been condemned for crimes, left to die as an “experience” on the Earth, had survived. We had survived. And the rules and boredom of the Ark faded away, they all cheered and touched the soil of our planet. 

While the 100 got used to the foreign environment ; Clarke was attempting to calm things down, and create the commencing of a proper civilisation, Bellamy on his part was the chaotic aura that brought along, sensations of freedom, revenge, and chaos. 

_ Survival. I must think of survival.  _

I remembered those books, and brought out from the inside of my jacket, the notebook that Abby had handed me back before joining the others. I walked further away from the group, necessitating calm and quiet. I had to admit as well, that on my own, I wanted to explore the things I had wished for. They were talking about the camp, settling down, and what would be needed in order to survive. As such, I wandered away, and found myself plunged in a forest. 

Though I had dreamed of it, meaning the smell of humidity, of grass, nature, and atmosphere, I couldn’t believe that darkness could draw one in so much. As much as I tried remaining satisfied in the realization that this was the actual forest, that this was me walking on actual leaves and branches, I could not make the one word disappear and fade from the deep corner of my brain. 

_ This is not forest. This is wilderness.  _

Some irrational fear took over me. As if obscure faces of hatred watched over me while I was making my way through the abundance of trees, yellow eyes piercing through the shadow. I feared, I was scared as not the faintest of sounds could wake me up from this trance of anxiety. 

It made one doubt of nothing but itself. I was in suspicion of my own body, I looked at my hands, cold and as if unnatural. The fear was crawling inside of me, and this forest, this jungle, this wilderness worked as if a reflection of your own face. How ambiguous, that something as dense as a forest could be a flat mirror. It was screaming.  _ Who am I? I am who? Look at me, and I’ll look at you.  _

“Aren’t you walking a bit too far?” I heard someone say, standing behind me and changing the nature of my thoughts. I turned around, observing the bronze features of the authoritarian Bellamy Blake. 

“I’m enjoying my return home. Am I not allowed to do so?” I replied, watching as a short breath of humour left his nostrils. He came closer, looking up at the end of the trees, then to the sky, then turning back to me. Oh, a small me, in comparison to Her. Nature. 

“I saw you shaking from back there. And you call this enjoyment” He said. It was surprising, the transparent fear. So easy to catch, and still impressive. Why was I scared again? As soon as you were accompanied, this irrational disturbance originating from the woods slipped away, more and more. Deeper and deeper back to the heart of wilderness. 

“There’s a weird impression here. I expected that being on Earth would bring a lot of happiness. Here, something is definitely off. I can’t help but...feel watched.”

Bellamy laughed in criticism of an apparent absurdity. And still, through ironic eyes, there was still a form of relativity. 

“You think we’re not the only ones here? I tell you what, I definitely feel something off too here, something vague, but it’s not of potential human beings.” 

He was right. The fear did not come from the idea of being watched by other humans that we ignored of. It was the apprehension of being watched by the Earth herself. The trees were listening, the ground was angry. Everything here was telling us to go home. And still, it was only an impression. Invalid, but oh so powerful. 

“It’s the forest” I said, and though I was in the supposition that Bellamy would mock my stupidity and irrational worry, he slowly nodded. Skeptic, but acknowledging my beliefs. And then, out of nowhere, Murphy’s voice. 

“Yeah well I wouldn’t listen to her if I were you, Bellamy. Something’s strange about her.” He said, and when both Bellamy and I watched the young man approaching along with others, something close to discrimination traveled in the air. 

“Murphy, what is that about?” Bellamy asked, looking back at me. More and more people were joining, as if sensing the rising tension, and being gradually attracted. Magnets of chaos. 

“She’s a liar, that’s why. I know all of those who have been imprisoned for their crimes, all of us here, who are under 18 and committed faults that led us to be killed down here. And guess what, her face is foreign to me.” He argued. Ah, the way my cover would be blown in a second was not of importance to me, but the fact that everyone that had been sent to Earth were still suspicious of rising terror from the Ark, that made me restless. They were all so close to thoughts of anarchy and hostility. “And I think it’s even more interesting that, when I was taken to the ship earlier on, she was talking to Clarke’s mother. That doctor.” He walked closer, and closer, passing by Bellamy and grabbing me by my shoulder. “Now if that is not just way too weird, I don’t know what is.” 

“So what, you’re telling me you know the face of everyone on the ship? Isn’t that very obnoxious of you?” I returned, though the result of it made me face down, hands blocked behind my back with a hand pressed against the back of my head. 

“Murphy, calm down. Just because the Princess is a bit of a stubborn girl doesn’t mean she’s a liar” Bellamy said, walking closer to us. Murphy was pressing harder on my head. In front of me, I focused on a leaf. Broken dead leaf. Humid grass. Dirt mingled with roots. The voice of the one holding me back with his hands came closer to my ear. 

“Don’t play with me. You’re not fooling anyone, I know you’re not one of us, so who are you and what are you doing here? Did the Ark send you? Wanting to keep a closer eye on us? Huh?” 

I remained silent, still so confoundedly focused on the ground. What came through my mind at that point? It seemed so foreign to me. I remembered listening to Bellamy’s silence, as if persuaded by Murphy’s arrogance and tawny words. 

I also remembered a book. Turned out that the books were not only about how to survive in the vast forest and jungle of the Earth, but also about how to become an armed guard of the Ark. Who knew at that moment, maybe my wish was to shock people with an electric stick? 

I figured that from my position, almost bent over to the ground, this was about practicing the words that had drowned themselves in my memory. 

_ One leg behind his’, bringing his weight over my body, and pushing him down to the ground.  _

And as it turned out, that was what I did. With the motion of the self defense, I made him fall over my blocked body, and turned him upside down with the facility of one easy kick on the back of his leg. Him on the floor, me proud of having read that book of physical defense. 

I heard the others gasping or laughing their heads off. I pictured all of them aware of Murphy’s pretension and smugness, finally happy to see him in a shameful or compromising position. 

Looking back at Bellamy, he was hiding a grin from his partner, though in the slit part of a second, the mocking smile turned into unease as the attention turned to Murphy. 

_ Murphy...What a cheater.  _

I didn’t have to look back at Murphy to know that from the ground, and while lifting himself up, the male was holding onto a gun. The click of it snapping together made me aware of it. 

_ Don’t mess with his ego.  _

“Not as funny as it seems huh? You try to mess with me like that and I shoot you” He said, voice of anger and of annoyance. Bellamy stepped in, aware of the others looking and joining the scene of abrupt danger. 

“Murphy, put the gun down. You’re giving a bad example to our people.” His voice was as stern as ever, and still, Murphy’s hurt ego was stronger than expected as he pressed the end of the gun to my head. “Murphy, you listen to me now. If you kill her, you will pay for it. We don’t give that example for our people. Drop the gun or you’ll see what real anger looks like.” 

Murphy’s eyes strayed away to Bellamy. He couldn’t stand a second of that burning glare, before putting the gun down and walking away like a storm leaves from shore. The urgency dissipating, the other watchers walked away, distracted as easily as possible when it joined curiosity. Bellamy stayed a few seconds. 

“You have boldness. Don’t think of it as courage. It’ll get you killed here.” He left with those words stirring in my mind, as if I had both impressed him and awoken some resentment inside. 


End file.
